Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Reiki Wednesday: I am good.

“Suffering, once accepted, loses its edge, for the terror of it lessens, and what remains is generally far more manageable than we had imagined.”
 -Lesley Hazelton

Artwork by my youngest son...timely reminder.
As I type, it is less than 3 days until my marathon.  I am jittery.  There are things going on in my non-running life that are bringing up many emotions.  If I am being an honest writer, I must say that things are not great.  My journey appears to be shifting, again.  I find it no coincidence that I am taking on this challenge, this week, at this time in my life.  It's been almost a year since I ran NYC, my first marathon.  I now know what those last 6 miles feel like.  I know why the tears came at mile 23 and why a different type of tears came at mile 26.  I know what it felt like to cross that finish line with someone I love very much yelling at me:  "Take it all in! You will never have a first marathon again! This is your day!"  I also know he won't even be at this race.  

If I am being an honest writer, I am fearing those last 6 miles.  I don't want to hurt.  I don't want to suffer.  I know there will be tears and I pray they come from joy and not from pain.  I know I will cross the finish line with Jen (or by myself...if I can't keep up with her), who has been an amazing friend this past year.  I hope I can be the one yelling at her as she finishes her first and erases all of her own doubts.  This reminds me of one of the best marathon essays I have read, written by Dean Karnazes.  You can read it here at his blog.

In hopes to pull me out of some of my emotional turmoil, Terri sent me a Facebook note by Pema Chodron called Dakini's Bliss, that I shared with my Reiki group today.  It resonated with me on all levels, emotionally, spiritually and physically...perfect for the upcoming race:

"So that's what I learned: take an interest in your pain and your fear. Move closer, lean in, get curious; even for a moment, experience the feelings without labels, beyond being good or bad. Welcome them. Invite them. Do anything that helps melt the resistance. 

Then the next time you lose heart and you can't bear to experience what you are feeling, you might recall this instruction: change the way you see it and lean in. That's basically the instruction that Dzigar Kongtrül gave me. And now I pass it on to you. Instead of blaming our discomfort on outer circumstances or on our own weakness, we can choose to stay present and awake to our experience, not rejecting it, not grasping it, not buying the stories that we relentlessly tell ourselves." 

It's my belief that it will all evolve as it's meant to, and it's my intention that my next post be an up-beat, joyous, Hamptons Marathon race report.  Oh, and it's also my hope that someone will be holding my all-time, favorite marathon sign: "Your feet (or legs) hurt because you are kicking so much ass."  Yeah.  That would be good.  

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