Sunday, October 10, 2010

Thinking Big.

"A question from your friend the Universe:
Just how much time do you spend thinking really, really BIG?
Good, very good! 
Because that's exactly how much of it you're going to get."
-Mike Dooley

Okay, so I am one of those girls who has a "vision board."  Actually, I have 2.  I have one that I change, and one that I made just for this year.  On the one that I change, I often hang information about upcoming races or races/goals I hope to achieve in the future.  I firmly believe in this process because it has concretely worked for me all my life, even as a child.  Yet, I still have those moments in which I hold myself back and don't dream big.  I continue to question the "whys" around this, and it's an ongoing process.  

After last week's marathon, I recovered beautifully.  I was tired and drained and hungry all week, but my legs were fine.  FINE.  They were just a little sore the first day and almost 100% the second.  I was teaching Spin at about 90% on the third.  It was on this third day that someone asked me how my legs were feeling and, when I told him, his response was: "Then you really didn't race that race."  WTF???  There were moments that I almost died out there, almost walked off the course in grand dramatic fashion, throwing up my arms and swearing aloud to never run again.  For F-sakes, I took 38 minutes off of my only other marathon time.  I ran this faster than I ever thought I'd run a marathon.  I was SORE that first night.  Again, WTF???  He explained that he was not trying to minimize my accomplishment (which he genuinely thought was great), but trying to help me see that I have more to give, that my potential is much greater than what I think it is, that if I really put everything I had out there, I would be going down the stairs on my ass.  Even as I write this, I'm not 100% sure how I feel about these comments, but it did get me thinking.  Even before our conversation, I had been searching out races, already planning for the next one.  I was ready to go again, ready to break 4 hours.  NOW.  "You should go do Philadelphia in 6 weeks."  I looked it up. Obviously, it's already sold out.  But, if it wasn't, I'd be going.  I know this 100%.  

I also know I have that sub-4 hour marathon in me.  I know I'll have to work for it and stick to a more regimented training program and actually do speedwork, blah, blah, blah.  But, if I want it, I know I can get it.  Then, I started thinking bigger: "Well, turning 40 next year moves me up an age group and changes my Boston qualifying time..."  I initially laughed at this thought ("Me? Slow Me? Thinking Boston?") but stopped myself VERY quickly.  Louder than that voice of doubt was (finally) the voice that said: "You know, it might take a while, maybe even another age group jump, but you can do it."  

So, up on my vision board it went, and there it will stay until it happens.  

Oh, and one more thing.  I spent the entire day today cheering on my sons' football and baseball (doubleheader) endeavors.  It was a gorgeous fall day and I am an unbelievably grateful mom...I have 2 gifted and amazing kids.  After everything was over and we were in the car, my 11-year old noticed the new charm necklace I am wearing from Jessica's Gifts (thanks to the blogging community for sharing her products), commemorating my 2 marathons.  After studying them in silence for a second, he looked up at me and simply said, "I am really proud of you, Mom.  Really."  If that's not inspiration, I really don't know what is.  

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